you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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