The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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