This girl is more easily done than said...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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