Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
