i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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