my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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