My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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