Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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