Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
