Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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