2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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