Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
