So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
