ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
