Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
