After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
