ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
