Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
my liver is dry heaving
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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