I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
