You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
