i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
