Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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