when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
