I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
