Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
