dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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