I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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