I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize