I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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