shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
