you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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