I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
