So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
