what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize