Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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