When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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