hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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