I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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