11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize