...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
