areolas are like halos for boobs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
