Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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