wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
