well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
