New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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