Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
