Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
