I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i now understand why vodka
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
