HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
