TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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