Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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