just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
