Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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