Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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