I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
two words...techno handjob
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
