You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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