literally had 100 drinks last night.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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