i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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