In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
