You smell like stripper and shame
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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