my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
