I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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