It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
