Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's rum buckets o'clock
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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