Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
