my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
