DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
