I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
