whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
