I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
