You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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