why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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