JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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