I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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