I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
