ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
