omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
