He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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