It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
