I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
