hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
