i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How does one acquire holy water?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
