She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
